appropriately nostalgic.

I listened to a lot of sports talk today thanks to an excellent night of extra-innings-almost-playoff baseball. Today they wanted to make sure they took the time to "look back" instead of looking ahead (because that's tomorrow's show).

That and the significance of "the day" has me appropriately nostalgic. At least. I think it's appropriate.

This last year has had a lot of low points. What a depressing statement that is. As I look at my group of friends, I've clearly been "the needy one" for a while now.
I never thought I'd be that girl who tears up because of a random memory that has nothing to do with anything.
I never thought I'd have to kill moths and empty mouse traps on my own.
I never thought I'd avoid certain TV shows because they get in my head and make me think I'm going to get randomly kidnapped because of my distant connection to the Irish mob in New York City.
I never thought I'd wonder who to put in my ICE list in my phone that actually lives in my city.
I never thought I'd be alone again.

But. here I am.

It's also had a lot of high points.
I never thought I'd get to sit in a room with 12 other crying girls for 2 hours. And actually like it.
I never thought I'd find community - at least, not a community as good as this one.
I never thought I'd find someone going through the exact same situation - but there totally is.
I never thought I'd get flowers on a random Thursday because I have great friends.
I never thought I'd climb a mountain with a large group of people in the dark,
Go to Nebraska,
Watch so much pewee football,
Get lost in Brighton,
Run a half marathon in DC,
Go on culinary adventures,
Eat so much Little Man Ice Cream,
Visit Portland,
Wander downtown,
Go deep with good friends
Get 2 flat tires...
and really feel like I'm living life again.

But I'm here too. Here's to another year. So tomorrrow, like all baseball commentators, I'll look ahead. Bring on the post-season.

life goal.

To be on one of Mashable's picture lists for creative ways of using... stuff. Like the new Facebook timeline. Here's my chance:


It's not the most creative picture I've seen, but... it's the most creative one on my page. That's worth something, right?

angry.

Do you ever have those days when everything sets you off?

So far today things that have made me have to reign in my angry face -
- slow people in the left lane (okay, that one happens everyday)
- my gmail not going back to the page I wanted it to
- being told how to do something I've known how to do for years
- phone call from someone who talks entirely too much
- person backing out of a commitment made because of failure to check schedule

What the crap is wrong with me?

I do know what it is. Mostly instead of getting emotional - I get angry.
I'm sad? I get angry.
I'm hurt? I get angry.
I'm disappointed? I get angry.
I disappoint someone else? I get angry.
I feel guilty? I get angry.
I'm happy? I get... well. Happy. That's not a good example.

I realize more and more that I'm not even angry at the stuff that's happening around me. I'm mostly angry at myself. I'm angry that I don't make better choices. I'm angry that I am not a better, less jerky human being. I'm angry that I can't just make everything and everyone feel right and fine.

So I'm writing about being angry. Hoping it will make me feel better. Less angry. And more able to get on with my day.

*whew*