struggle.

An Open Letter to my hurting friend(s):

Life is hard. In fact...sometimes it downright sucks.

Like now. Things are hard. All around. It feels out of control. There's not one area of life that's steady. I know. I've been there. And it was hard.

There are lots of people who can maybe give you better answers than this, but there isn't a right answer.
If there were, someone would have told you it already.
If there was something someone could say that would make things suddenly easier, they would have said it.
If there was a magic wand that could make people trade places and help each other, someone would be a millionaire.

But, from me, knowing you... let me say this:
You are loved. By the people around you. By a God that created you and currently rules the universe.
You are smart. Good at your job (or jobs). A leader. The kind people want to follow, which is not a quality every leader possesses.
You are a good friend. In spite of your crazy chaos, you have been able to see me in the middle of it all. And I am so grateful.

I'm sorry that things are so tough. I pray for you a lot.
You're strong and this season will pass. And you serve a big God.

But I get that it sucks right now. Take what time you need.
-me-

mundane.

You know how whenever you're stuck in traffic, you look at the other side of the highway and think, Man... I sure wish I were going the other direction. They're flying!

Or when you're sick and sneezing constantly, you think, I don't even remember what it's like to not have to use an entire box of tissues in one day. What must that be like?

Maybe that's just me. I have a tendency to look at whatever is going on in my life right now and not see what has been... or what could be. I mean, whoever really stops to think, I am so glad that my grass is greener than THAT guy's.

Because most often, I've felt God show up when things are hard, I wonder if when things are just okay I forget to look at my need for Jesus.


I want to change that. 

I want to see God working in the mundane, and not just the chaos.
I want to learn more and follow Jesus better when I'm just reading my Bible and not just at a special conference.
I want to love the students that I work with well when their parents are good and school is going okay and not just when their family explodes or they have to move suddenly.

Also, I don't have grass. So my grass will never be greener.
I'm such a good optimist.

grandparents

Grandparents day was always a big deal at my school when I was growing up. It wasn't a competition, but if it were, I would have won best grandparents in the class, if I do say so myself. They were a big part of my growing-up years and shared a lot of wisdom with me. Here are just 4 of the many pearls of wisdom they shared with me:

1) Let the dog go
My grandma had the awesomest dog ever named Cindy. Cindy was a mutt with a lot of spunk who liked to run out the door as often as she could. I remember one distinct time Cindy ran away and I was SO close to being able to catch her (and by so close, I mean, I was like... 5 and ran as fast as my chubby, kindergarten legs would take me out the front door). My grandmother told me to let her go. She'd come back if we didn't chase her.  
Life Lesson 1 - sometimes we have to hold the things we love with an open hand.

2) Always walk for donuts
My mom went back to work after I started school, but I only had half days and my mom was working full days. That meant I got to spend my afternoons with Grandma. We'd walk the trail near her house to "downtown" (my town had 800 people in it, hence the quotes) to our favorite donut shop. It was across from the post office and liquor store, but they were the best donut holes I've ever had before or since.
 Life Lesson 2 - Donuts and also just, life is better when you get there with people you love.

3) Feed your family
Because my entire family lived so close, we spent all our major holidays together. My granny, no matter how tired she was or how many people were expected to come, always had us over to her house. She'd cook for days leading up to a holiday and always knew exactly how many potatoes she needed to make for each person to have some that day and enough for leftovers.  
Life Lesson 3 - being together is important. Be a catalyst to make it happen.

4) Be Scottish
Granny was born and raised in Edinburgh, Scotland. She's got a killer accent and Scottish pride. When it came to her kids and grandkids, Granny is the one who wouldn't beat around the bush. We never had to wonder what she felt about anything because she told us, tempered with love and usually over soup (she makes incredible homemade soup).
Life Lesson 4 - Speak truth to those you love. It will serve them well.

I don't call either of them as much as I should, but, Grandma and Granny, if you ever have the chance to read this, I love you.

fairy tale.

Traveling across the country in search of "the one."
Your dream guy running down a crowded street yelling your name.
Finding love that works from just a smile from a cute stranger on the street.

This crap doesn't happen in real life. 

This quote came across my Facebook feed from one of my former professors:

You don't want to get married. You want to get married in a movie.

No one is as smooth as Will Smith in Hitch, as heroic as Jason Bourne in all of the Bourne Movies, as attractive as Ryan Gosling in well... anything, or as brave as Mel Gibson in Braveheart.

Real life is grocery shopping on a Thursday after a long day of working with incompetent co-workers and trying to decide what's for dinner...again. Real life is weeks of not connecting because ministry, events, other friends, family, bills and just... Life.

As I've looked at couples that I admire, I see teammates who work together with their middle school foster kid. I see best friends who just like hanging out with each other and watching Star Wars on a rainy day. Men who get up early to take the kids to school so their wife can sleep. Women who are willing to give up their comfort zone and move across the country for her husband's dream job.

I'll probably never write a novel about some grand romantic gesture that happened to me.

But... I'm okay with that.  

In fact, I'd rather have it that way.