7.23.2011
7.11.2011
is anyone good at good-bye?
Mostly I consider myself a leaver. I'm not sure if subconsciously I can't stay in one place, but no one in my life for the past decade has known me beyond 4 years.
Now another set of good-byes. And it's going to be tough.
I've been with an incredible group of girls for the last 3 years. They've walked with me through love... heartbreak... difficult times... fun times... and even random trips to Wal-Mart. I've seen them grow from 3 tiny 6th grade pixies to a group of around 25 maturing women - learning who they are, what they want, and how to follow God for themselves.
They've changed friends. They've discovered boys. They've dated. They've gotten their hearts broken.
They've lived through stuff I never dreamed of at 14 - feeling ugly enough to be self-destructive, suicide, abuse from those who should be their protectors, the temptation of alcohol and drugs, wrestling with whether God is real or not, and peer pressure to try things I didn't even know existed at their age.
And here they are. Strong. Capable. Honest. and the most beautiful girls I've ever known.
It's been a privilege even to be a small part of their lives.
And saying goodbye is going to suck.
Now another set of good-byes. And it's going to be tough.
I've been with an incredible group of girls for the last 3 years. They've walked with me through love... heartbreak... difficult times... fun times... and even random trips to Wal-Mart. I've seen them grow from 3 tiny 6th grade pixies to a group of around 25 maturing women - learning who they are, what they want, and how to follow God for themselves.
They've changed friends. They've discovered boys. They've dated. They've gotten their hearts broken.They've lived through stuff I never dreamed of at 14 - feeling ugly enough to be self-destructive, suicide, abuse from those who should be their protectors, the temptation of alcohol and drugs, wrestling with whether God is real or not, and peer pressure to try things I didn't even know existed at their age.
And here they are. Strong. Capable. Honest. and the most beautiful girls I've ever known.
It's been a privilege even to be a small part of their lives.
And saying goodbye is going to suck.
7.05.2011
weeds
Let's get this out of the way. I know I live in Colorado, but this is NOT a post about THAT kind of weed. Okay. Moving on...
I spent this weekend pulling weeds. From everywhere. Giant ones. Sticky ones. Pokey ones. No matter how much weed paper, weed killer, or whatever else is supposed to get rid of weeds - still they grow. Everywhere. Even in the crappy brown stuff that I am not sure is even soil in my backyard. Weeds. Grow. All the time.
It made me realize... weeds are really the perfect example of life. During our small group with a random smattering of middle school girls, we talked about the importance of making good decisions. Constantly. It's not like you can just make one good decision one day and it lasts you the rest of your life. Every day... every hour... every minute, we must choose the right decision.
Just like you can't just pull weeds once, spray once or lay weed paper once. It takes work. And it's not easy.
If I'm being really honest... sometimes, I just want easy. The road less traveled by is that way for a reason.
But then again, I'm faced with the question: do I really want weeds?
I spent this weekend pulling weeds. From everywhere. Giant ones. Sticky ones. Pokey ones. No matter how much weed paper, weed killer, or whatever else is supposed to get rid of weeds - still they grow. Everywhere. Even in the crappy brown stuff that I am not sure is even soil in my backyard. Weeds. Grow. All the time.
It made me realize... weeds are really the perfect example of life. During our small group with a random smattering of middle school girls, we talked about the importance of making good decisions. Constantly. It's not like you can just make one good decision one day and it lasts you the rest of your life. Every day... every hour... every minute, we must choose the right decision.
Just like you can't just pull weeds once, spray once or lay weed paper once. It takes work. And it's not easy.
If I'm being really honest... sometimes, I just want easy. The road less traveled by is that way for a reason.
But then again, I'm faced with the question: do I really want weeds?
7.01.2011
waiting for the sun
Change. Seems like change just takes your world and turns it around, shakes it violently, then sets it back down crookedly.
The changes that I'm going through right now are necessary. And I do want them. But a piece of me wishes I could track back many months when things were sweet bliss and I didn't care or know anything could possibly go wrong with my pipe dreams.
I could come home to a man who loved me and ran to the door with a silly grin on his face, flapping his arms, glad to see me.
We'd play competitive trivia and bet over nothing because we shared everything.
I never went to sleep alone, but always had his arms around me... protecting me.
But that's just not reality.
Instead I've been moving from place to place to place. Couch to couch to couch. Bag to bag. I've slept alone for months... though I've felt like I was sleeping alone for much longer than that.
I've cried more times than I care to count.
I thought my heart was going to break and throw itself out of my chest because it didn't want to live in that hellhole anymore.
And I'm not only unprotected... I've been afraid of the arms that were supposed to have been shelter.
I find myself longing for normal. Wishing things could be easy and I could just not care about thriving, but be content with just... living.
Ignorance is bliss.
but. I guess it's not really. Living in mediocrity isn't really living at all, is it?
It's been raining for the last two days. In the immortal words of Rob Bell... it always rains. I guess I'll hold on, with no umbrella, and wait for it to stop. Waiting for the sun.
Waiting for the rain to stop.
Destination: beautiful.
Seems that I'm still waiting for the sun.
[mae - sun]
The changes that I'm going through right now are necessary. And I do want them. But a piece of me wishes I could track back many months when things were sweet bliss and I didn't care or know anything could possibly go wrong with my pipe dreams.
I could come home to a man who loved me and ran to the door with a silly grin on his face, flapping his arms, glad to see me.
We'd play competitive trivia and bet over nothing because we shared everything.
I never went to sleep alone, but always had his arms around me... protecting me.
But that's just not reality.
Instead I've been moving from place to place to place. Couch to couch to couch. Bag to bag. I've slept alone for months... though I've felt like I was sleeping alone for much longer than that.
I've cried more times than I care to count.
I thought my heart was going to break and throw itself out of my chest because it didn't want to live in that hellhole anymore.
And I'm not only unprotected... I've been afraid of the arms that were supposed to have been shelter.
I find myself longing for normal. Wishing things could be easy and I could just not care about thriving, but be content with just... living.
Ignorance is bliss.
but. I guess it's not really. Living in mediocrity isn't really living at all, is it?
It's been raining for the last two days. In the immortal words of Rob Bell... it always rains. I guess I'll hold on, with no umbrella, and wait for it to stop. Waiting for the sun.
Waiting for the rain to stop.
Destination: beautiful.
Seems that I'm still waiting for the sun.
[mae - sun]
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