waiting for the sun

Change. Seems like change just takes your world and turns it around, shakes it violently, then sets it back down crookedly.

The changes that I'm going through right now are necessary. And I do want them. But a piece of me wishes I could track back many months when things were sweet bliss and I didn't care or know anything could possibly go wrong with my pipe dreams.

I could come home to a man who loved me and ran to the door with a silly grin on his face, flapping his arms, glad to see me.
We'd play competitive trivia and bet over nothing because we shared everything.
I never went to sleep alone, but always had his arms around me... protecting me.

But that's just not reality.

Instead I've been moving from place to place to place. Couch to couch to couch. Bag to bag. I've slept alone for months... though I've felt like I was sleeping alone for much longer than that.
I've cried more times than I care to count.
I thought my heart was going to break and throw itself out of my chest because it didn't want to live in that hellhole anymore.
And I'm not only unprotected... I've been afraid of the arms that were supposed to have been shelter.

I find myself longing for normal. Wishing things could be easy and I could just not care about thriving, but be content with just... living.

Ignorance is bliss.
but. I guess it's not really. Living in mediocrity isn't really living at all, is it?

It's been raining for the last two days. In the immortal words of Rob Bell... it always rains. I guess I'll hold on, with no umbrella, and wait for it to stop. Waiting for the sun.

Waiting for the rain to stop.
Destination: beautiful.
Seems that I'm still waiting for the sun.
[mae - sun]