People lie. About their age. About their weight.
People also lie in beds. (sorry. lame grammar joke.)
People lie to themselves.
I had a couple great conversations today with some great women. They are the "beautiful" people. The ones that I never would have even talked to in college, let alone become friends with. I always judged "their" type, believing that "they" were judging me for my lack of makeup and terrible wardrobe. Which. They might still be. But whatever. They look past it.
Truth be told - both of them are beautiful inside and out. But they don't believe it.
Even as they read this, they're thinking "no... that's not me." "That's about someone else." "I'm not beautiful." "My life isn't semi-charmed." Please. You're so not-vain you can't believe this post is about you.
Both of them said to me in different ways today that they either can't believe that someone would ever "like-like" them (sorry for the excessive use of quotes by the way...) or they keep giving themselves to boys who aren't worth the time and effort.
They've believed the lie that they aren't valuable.
Truth is... they are both wonderful. Beautiful women. Both of them love people with a passion I wish I had. They're both caring and happy to a fault. They listen to other people's drama because they realize that it's a story and don't just roll their eyes and walk away like I do. They ask how you're doing and actually bother to listen. They are those pretty, put together girls that everyone wanted to hate, but still liked just because they were so nice you couldn't even help it.
But the most important piece of their value is that they were created. By a God that loves them and made them with purpose and on purpose. In His image. Loved. Enough that God sent His Son to die on a cross to make a way to spend eternity with them. With us.
I lie to myself about this stuff all the time too. It's easy to self-depricate and pretend that you're nothing and that you're damaged goods and not worth loving. It's why we sell ourselves short and settle so often.
It's got to stop.
Because you are valuable. You are loved. You matter.
Stop lying to yourself and realize how beautiful and loved you are. You were worth dying for.
Live like it.
2.27.2012
2.17.2012
middle school
Dear Middle School version of myself,
If you find this someday, that means I will have changed the very fabric of time and am significantly smarter than even my current self can believe. I don't have much time and frankly, a blog is meant to be short (so I'm told) so let's get right to the point. Here are some things you should know:
1) Be a good friend to everyone, guys and girls. It is good training on how to relate to everyone.
2) That guy who is so mean to you? Don't worry. He works for Target in the future and you work in as close to your dream job as you can get.
3) Pay attention in class - all of them. And do your best to remember what you learn, even when it seems useless. Someday it will help you talk to all kinds of people. Plus, your grown-up friends are much smarter than you are.
4) You're not as ugly or weird as you feel. Be confident that you might just be more than "the funny kid." (Otherwise you'll still be working on this at 25.)
5) You're not as funny as you think you are. You're funny, just not that funny.
6) When you lose your best friend, remember, in your sadness, that someday, you'll be able to relay that story to dozens of kids who are going through the same thing. It happens to everyone. You're not alone.
7) Guard your heart. Even when you're feeling at your loneliest. Only give it to someone who has proven they can take care of it. It'll be hard, but if you paid attention at the beginning of the list you'll have great friends around you.
8) This is the most important thing - that faith thing you're still sort of wondering about? It works. Hold onto Jesus. Even when it feels like He's not real or there, He is. He's why you ended up in a great family with great friends and teachers. It wasn't an accident. It was on purpose.
Okay. I'm off to my flying car now (that's a lie. They still haven't figured that out and it's 2012. You should work on that too).
Sincerely (because that's how your teachers have taught you to close letters and you're listening to them, right?),
-Your post-college self-
 |
| actual school photo |
1) Be a good friend to everyone, guys and girls. It is good training on how to relate to everyone.
2) That guy who is so mean to you? Don't worry. He works for Target in the future and you work in as close to your dream job as you can get.
3) Pay attention in class - all of them. And do your best to remember what you learn, even when it seems useless. Someday it will help you talk to all kinds of people. Plus, your grown-up friends are much smarter than you are.
4) You're not as ugly or weird as you feel. Be confident that you might just be more than "the funny kid." (Otherwise you'll still be working on this at 25.)
5) You're not as funny as you think you are. You're funny, just not that funny.
6) When you lose your best friend, remember, in your sadness, that someday, you'll be able to relay that story to dozens of kids who are going through the same thing. It happens to everyone. You're not alone.
7) Guard your heart. Even when you're feeling at your loneliest. Only give it to someone who has proven they can take care of it. It'll be hard, but if you paid attention at the beginning of the list you'll have great friends around you.
8) This is the most important thing - that faith thing you're still sort of wondering about? It works. Hold onto Jesus. Even when it feels like He's not real or there, He is. He's why you ended up in a great family with great friends and teachers. It wasn't an accident. It was on purpose.
Okay. I'm off to my flying car now (that's a lie. They still haven't figured that out and it's 2012. You should work on that too).
Sincerely (because that's how your teachers have taught you to close letters and you're listening to them, right?),
-Your post-college self-
2.13.2012
love.
I grew up in a conservative Christian bubble. If you look up "conservative," there's actually a picture of my town. #crazy
I remember one of my teachers telling me about the word "love" and how we say we both love God and we love chocolate chip cookies. And that we needed to be careful about how we use the word "love." So, being a good conservative Christian kid, I listened. I guarded the word "love" and didn't throw it around.
The unfortunate side-effect? I didn't tell people I loved them as much as I should.
So. It's Valentine's Day. Or... well, as I write this, it's about an hour from Valentine's Day in the Mountain Time Zone. I've bragged on the great guys I'm privileged to have in my life, so today? The ladies.
Annie - my best friend growing up. We shared all of our secrets. She's the only one I ever told about my huge crush on Justin Curatalo (that is until today). I could always count on her to be there. To sit with me in church. To answer when I called. I still miss the hours of Nickelodeon, Lisa Frank stickers and silly "futures" we used to dream up for each other.
Jess and Amber - I couldn't have asked for better high school friends. We were a good team. Amber was smart and I'm not sure I laughed harder with anyone. (And I was always jealous of her killer overhand serve.) Jess was my Skipper. My Samwise Gamgee. She always let me be the protagonist in our story and, without knowing it, her faithful cheerleading is what encouraged me to keep pushing myself.
Stacey - She got it right. My genius, bilingual roommate who was so smart, so guarded, and always took such good care of those around her. I look at her life and think - huh, that's what I could have had if I had followed God relentlessly. And whether she thinks she's done that or not, she's one of the people I hold up in my life as a success story.
Laura - So many trips to Mom and Dad's for french fries... I could never be LauraLee, but I always admired her. She didn't change for anyone. She was who she was and that was it. She loves Jesus, is great with kids and never has anyone before or since compared themselves to Reese's Pieces and had it make sense.
Ashley - Our lives have been more parallel than I could have wished on anyone. But no matter how crazy her life gets, she's always been there for me. She's thoughtful. She challenges me in ways that I hate, but love. She cares about people in a way that I wish I could. She loves with everything inside of her - something that I have benefited from when my world crashed around me.
Nicole - I'm not sure we could be more different, but somehow it works. The yin to my yang. The nail polish and pedicures to my love for football and sports talk radio. She loves fiercely. She accepts when I challenge her to step out of her comfort zone, even when she hates it. She sees the good in people and makes me hate the world less.
My Mom - The best mom I could have ever asked for. She still calls back even when I say a rash of things I don't really mean just out of frustration. She puts others first and is loyal to a fault. She wants everyone to have a chance at winning and not just the kids who have easy lives. She taught me to be generous and to love people more than things.
There are others. Women who listen to my crazy stories. Friends that I know I can always count on to make me laugh. Ladies who have shown me what it means to be a woman who isn't weak, but knows how to accept and appreciate help.
So to you, named and unnamed, in this all-too-long blog post - I love you.
I remember one of my teachers telling me about the word "love" and how we say we both love God and we love chocolate chip cookies. And that we needed to be careful about how we use the word "love." So, being a good conservative Christian kid, I listened. I guarded the word "love" and didn't throw it around.
The unfortunate side-effect? I didn't tell people I loved them as much as I should.
So. It's Valentine's Day. Or... well, as I write this, it's about an hour from Valentine's Day in the Mountain Time Zone. I've bragged on the great guys I'm privileged to have in my life, so today? The ladies.
Annie - my best friend growing up. We shared all of our secrets. She's the only one I ever told about my huge crush on Justin Curatalo (that is until today). I could always count on her to be there. To sit with me in church. To answer when I called. I still miss the hours of Nickelodeon, Lisa Frank stickers and silly "futures" we used to dream up for each other.
Jess and Amber - I couldn't have asked for better high school friends. We were a good team. Amber was smart and I'm not sure I laughed harder with anyone. (And I was always jealous of her killer overhand serve.) Jess was my Skipper. My Samwise Gamgee. She always let me be the protagonist in our story and, without knowing it, her faithful cheerleading is what encouraged me to keep pushing myself.
Stacey - She got it right. My genius, bilingual roommate who was so smart, so guarded, and always took such good care of those around her. I look at her life and think - huh, that's what I could have had if I had followed God relentlessly. And whether she thinks she's done that or not, she's one of the people I hold up in my life as a success story.
Laura - So many trips to Mom and Dad's for french fries... I could never be LauraLee, but I always admired her. She didn't change for anyone. She was who she was and that was it. She loves Jesus, is great with kids and never has anyone before or since compared themselves to Reese's Pieces and had it make sense.
Ashley - Our lives have been more parallel than I could have wished on anyone. But no matter how crazy her life gets, she's always been there for me. She's thoughtful. She challenges me in ways that I hate, but love. She cares about people in a way that I wish I could. She loves with everything inside of her - something that I have benefited from when my world crashed around me.
Nicole - I'm not sure we could be more different, but somehow it works. The yin to my yang. The nail polish and pedicures to my love for football and sports talk radio. She loves fiercely. She accepts when I challenge her to step out of her comfort zone, even when she hates it. She sees the good in people and makes me hate the world less.
My Mom - The best mom I could have ever asked for. She still calls back even when I say a rash of things I don't really mean just out of frustration. She puts others first and is loyal to a fault. She wants everyone to have a chance at winning and not just the kids who have easy lives. She taught me to be generous and to love people more than things.
There are others. Women who listen to my crazy stories. Friends that I know I can always count on to make me laugh. Ladies who have shown me what it means to be a woman who isn't weak, but knows how to accept and appreciate help.
So to you, named and unnamed, in this all-too-long blog post - I love you.
2.09.2012
made up.
We broke up almost 5 years ago and I still wear make-up. But not today. Today I was in a hurry and rolled out of the house in the most comfortable shirt and jeans that I could get away with and still be "professional" enough to be at work. Hair twisted up. And no make-up.
I don't know how this happens, but I have fairly constantly found myself being friends with "the pretty girl." They would all say something along the lines of "oh! but, Michelle! you're pretty too!" but let's get some things straight.
1) Guys don't do double takes when I walk by. Unless I've fallen down clumsily. Or am laughing loudly. (it's been known to happen on occasion)
2) Exactly 2 guys have asked me out. In my whole life. And it wasn't my looks that drew them in. For one, it was that we had been friends for a long time and I wasn't crazy, and for the other that I was a fan of the same sports teams and really sarcastic.
3) I'm a realist. I don't think I'm ugly. Really, I'm okay with just being average.
It's been a battle to realize that last one. And it's not that I'm some saint and have somehow conquered the desire to be "the pretty girl."
Every girl wants to hear that she is beautiful.
(and NOT just from her female friends who are well-meaning, but not always truthful.)
But if I'm being real with myself, I don't want to be beautiful because of how I look.
I would rather be noticed for
loving kids
being a good friend
following Jesus
doing something well at my job
having a good sense of humor
or showing compassion for the hurting.
And yeah, sometimes, I'm about as good at those things as I am at putting on make-up. (Have I mentioned that I'm really clueless when it comes to wearing make-up? Because I totally am.)
But I think I'll practice perfecting those qualities instead of mascara.
(and mascara is just straight up gross to put on.)
2.06.2012
more than sports.
Yes. I am excited - beyond that really - that my 9-7 Giants won a must win against the Dallas Cowboys, took out the near-flawless Green Bay Packers, got vengeance for an earlier season loss to the San Fransisco 49ers for the NFC Championship and then brought down the (evil empire) mighty, mighty Patriots.
Yes. I love being Superbowl champs again.
Yes. I am wearing my Eli Manning jersey for the 3rd victory Monday of the playoffs.
Yes. It desperately needs to be washed.
But no. Sports are not my life.
Sports are a jumping off point. An easy starter to a conversation that can go so much deeper. They're a way to connect with middle school kids, their parents, random strangers behind you in line at the grocery store and the guy that directs traffic at church Sunday mornings.
But at the end of the day, I missed the national anthem, kick-off, and first quarter of "my team" playing in the Superbowl in exchange for time with friends, cutting vegetables and mixing a super-secret-family-recipe veggie dip.
People are more important than things. Even sports. Even the Superbowl.
Though, that doesn't mean I'm not still stoked to be champs again this year.
Yes. I love being Superbowl champs again.
Yes. I am wearing my Eli Manning jersey for the 3rd victory Monday of the playoffs.
Yes. It desperately needs to be washed.
But no. Sports are not my life.
Sports are a jumping off point. An easy starter to a conversation that can go so much deeper. They're a way to connect with middle school kids, their parents, random strangers behind you in line at the grocery store and the guy that directs traffic at church Sunday mornings.
But at the end of the day, I missed the national anthem, kick-off, and first quarter of "my team" playing in the Superbowl in exchange for time with friends, cutting vegetables and mixing a super-secret-family-recipe veggie dip.
People are more important than things. Even sports. Even the Superbowl.
Though, that doesn't mean I'm not still stoked to be champs again this year.
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