2011

I don't send out Christmas cards and I probably should. But really, who wants to get a Christmas card that says "Hey, Happy Holidays. Haven't talked to you in a year. I'm divorced"? (I know. I should work for Hallmark.)

Instead, here's a long and potentially boring blog post in case I haven't seen you or talked to you in awhile.

The Class of 2015 - I've been with this class since they were just tiny 6th graders. We did a lot this year - from night sledding and winning the Great Frozen Fish Relay at BOCO to crying a lot. A LOT at summer camp in Nebraska to 8th grade prom and a lot of days spent at the park after Bible study. I have some of the best memories with this class. I count it a privilege to have gotten to be of their lives and hope to see them at their weddings someday and embarrass the snot out of them.

 
Community - I've had some really excellent friends that have walked with me through a lot of different stages of life, but I've never had friends like the ones I have now. I hope they feel this way too, but we just get each other. We have the same sarcastic, judgmental sense of humor. We are all "running" together through church/stage of life/work even though our paths to get here are vastly different. Mostly it feels like we live in a sitcom. Or possibly Napoleon Dynamite. Or Harry Potter. Without the magic.

 Promotions/Marketing - If you've known me for even a second, you know that work is a rather large part of my life. My schedule is ridiculous, but it's seriously a blast. Every day at work is different. Some days I am cutting out endless cards, other days I'm trying to think of something interesting to say for 6 different shows and still other days I'm playing chauffeur for one of the artists we play on the station. Someone told me last night, "your job is AWESOME!" Yeah. It sort of is.

 
Elephant in the Blog Post - This year was one of the hardest I've ever lived through. I got a divorce from the man I was married to for less than 2 years. Honestly, I've arrived in a place where I'm not angry, bitter or scared anymore (that's another blog post for another day). If you ask me how I'm doing today... I can honestly say I'm doing well. We both are.

Little Man Ice Cream/Two Rivers Coffee/Snooze/Culinary Adventures - I'm a fat kid at heart and would be remiss if I left these wonderful places that I would be the mayor of, if I used FourSquare, out of this post. The community I referred to above and I spent a lot of time at all of these places and cooking a lot of stuff that was just a recipe we found online. I should probably be fatter.

Half-Marathons  - I've now completed 3. Two of those were this year and neither in the state that I live in. One in Washington DC in March and one in Las Vegas in December. Missed my goal in DC by 1 minute and 19 seconds, but did set a PR. That's something, right? 

Class of 2018  - Yeah. So the class of 2015 moved on and got old and went to high school. I made the difficult decision to start over with another group of 6th graders for a multitude of reasons, one of which was that I wanted them to love and follow Jesus. Not love and follow me. This is a class of utterly broken kids, the richest of the rich, the poorest of the poor, the naive and the experienced. I have no idea where God is going to take us, but I'm excited to be along for the ride.

I was looking at pictures from last year at this time and feeling like it was a lifetime ago. Definitely a life-style ago. I've said before, this is not where I pictured myself at 25.

I own a home.
I have a cat.
I'm divorced.
I'm working in Promotions/Marketing still at my first radio gig. And added a couple out-of-market voice tracking jobs.
I'm amazed at the way God has brought people into my life that need to hear from someone who's exactly where I am.
Kids, friends, church, work... it fits like a puzzle. Like Someone might have a plan for it all.
And I'm learning that I serve a big God that can take what is ugly and create something masterful.

Now wasn't that just the most interesting thing that you've read all day?
No?
Yeah. Me neither.

i might throw up.

I've planned dozens of events. Many of them concerts. It's like it's my job or something.

But here I am in a crowded coffee shop about to head into another concert and for some reason, today I'm getting that feeling like I might throw up. My hands are shaky and I'm not sure why (it could be the ridiculous amount of caffeine, I suppose. mm... coffee.).

I feel a bit like I did before a piano recital when I was a kid. Or before a skating competition. Or before walking into a house full of mostly strangers on Christmas.

I just breathed a huge sigh. I hope the architects having a meeting next to me, the businessmen making important decisions and the girl bored on her phone that I am creepily watching in the reflection of my monitor are enjoying my semi-nervous breathing.

Time to buck up. Here goes nothing.

everyone.

There are a lot of things that everyone does.

For instance:
Everyone poops.
Everyone eats.
Everyone sleeps.
Everyone blinks.
Everyone breathes.

In talking with a friend, I realized something else that everyone does. Everyone sells themselves short in relationships.

We see ourselves on a certain "level" and we're afraid to date/get in a relationship with someone so we just settle for the first person who seems even a little bit interested. Sure... they don't have the same goals... morals... standards... interests... or beliefs, but hey! they're interested, that's good enough!

And that's how we end up broken-hearted and not sure why because all of our friends are telling us they didn't like him anyway.

Across the board - rich or poor, smart or ... not-so-smart, lower or middle or upper class - we all settle. Because it's easier than actually trying. Than doing something we actually care about. Because then, if it fails, you weren't really trying anyway.

Or at least, that's how I think.

I settle. My friends hear about some of my past relationships and wonder how the heck I ended up with the guys I was with in the past. I honestly wonder sometimes too. Except that, deep down, I know. I knew then too.

I didn't want to be alone.

But I ended up that way anyway. And, honestly, I've been pleasantly surprised. It's not as scary as I thought it would be. 

I actually kind of like it.

airplane.

This is my family.
You may notice something about them. They are white.
My mom and sister look almost exactly alike (although, don't tell my sister I said that).
Me? Not white. Korean. Through and through.

Today is the day my family celebrates what my mom calls "her best Christmas ever." The day I came to America from South Korea. The day I became a part of a family. My Airplane Day.

None of the other kids in school had one of these days. It was like having a second birthday. And I got to bring in my Korean flag and tell all the kids the same story about coming to America and how my parents chose me... me! to become a part of their family.

There's nothing like being chosen. In fact, I think it's what we were created for. When Paul talks about being "adopted as sons," I understand that better than someone who was not adopted. I.was.chosen. Not because of anything I had done. Or because I was cuter than all of the other kids at the orphanage. Or because at 3 months old I was showing great potential to be something. I was chosen just. because.

In my family, we fight. We laugh. We make fun of each other. We relive silly memories from childhood like the time my sister cut off my ear or when we used to drive around listening to our favorite Chicago songs. My parents were at every basketball match. Every volleyball game. Every figure skating tournament (even the one I forgot my ice skates for). My cousins taught me to love sports and how to play them. My grandparents skipped waves with me in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. And spoiled the dickens out of their youngest grandchild.

Today I'm reminded of how big God is. And how everyone I meet - from people who spend years with me to people who spend just a few days or weeks - is there on purpose. Because I could be speaking a different language. In a different country. Eating nasty, nasty kimchi (blech!).

Instead, God has me here. And I'm amazed. And so incredibly grateful.

My dad just sent me this email:
Happy airplane day, honey. We were so excited that day, we couldn't stand it. Love, Dad.

And now, my boss is going to wonder why I'm tearing up in my office.

in an instant

I can't believe how heavy and light my heart is as I write this. I didn't know I even had the capacity to feel both emotions so strongly at once.

I spent tonight with some of the most incredible kids on the planet. I don't think I laugh harder or find myself being the person I feel created to be than when I'm with them. They're loud, honest, creative and spontaneous.

As I look into their lives more deeply, my heart breaks. The decisions they're faced with, the decisions of others that have huge effects on their life, the people who are supposed to be there for them but are shirking their responsibility - it sucks. I want the best life possible for them, but I can't save them. I can't make their choices for them. I can't be with them every moment.

I need the reminder that I am not God. But He is big. He's there and walking with them every step of the way. I'm just glad that He's let me walk with them at all.

home.

My childhood was nowhere near perfect. Really it was more like living in a sitcom. But I never realized until now how grateful I should have been for a stable place to sleep, a tight family, and food whenever I felt like eating.
< and this view out my window

Not everyone gets to grow up that way.

And it's not fair.

Why do some kids have it all?
And others have empty refrigerators, no one to lean on, and a shelter that can barely be called a house?

Who loves these kids? When they act out in school or give you attitude or are just plain mean? Who takes the time to look past the walls of pain built on a shaky foundation to actually love these kids? With action. Knowing there won't be a thanks or even a smile or hug at the end.

But today I've been struck with this truth... as overwhelming as it seems that are so many utterly broken and torn down people in this world... I serve a big God. He is in control.

And He's Strong Enough to Save.
He'll break open the skies to save those who cry out His name.
The One the wind and waves obey is strong enough to save you.
[tenth avenue north]