wedding number five

This weekend will be our fifth wedding of the year.
And while I don't LOVE going to weddings, I have loved this year of weddings.

In April we got married so that was my favorite. We got married at a brick wall in a renovated iron-work building with Edison light chandeliers by one of our best friends in the world. Our friend played John Mayer's cover of Beyonce's "XO" as the people closest to us walked down the aisle ahead of me. And when I finally got to look up and see Tucker at the front of the room, I started crying... and didn't stop basically through the entire ceremony.

In June, two of my favorite people in the world got married in this rustic-modern setting and we danced the night away in a barn with a live band (complete with coordinated dance moves!). We dismissed the bride and groom with sparklers after an entire night of perfectly planned and executed doughnuts, wine, speeches, and decor.

In July, I attended the first "new family" event, the wedding of my husband's cousin. It was on July 4th in the flatlands under blazing heat and humidity that turned to a beautiful dark evening, lit with completely legal fireworks.

In September, my husband's sister got married in a beautiful meadow on a ranch. Music by artists you've never heard of played late into the night and then men with beards and washboards and girls with banjos took over and played until the early morning.

Now it's October and two of my very best friends are getting married. And I know it's going to be so good.

It's been a privilege to walk with them from the moment that he told me he had a crush on her to the day they'll start calling each other husband and wife and then (hopefully) for years and years to come. We've spent hours and hours over good food laughing too loudly and celebrating engagements, birthdays, and for no reason at all. But, these two aren't ready because their path has been all sunshine and rainbows.

They're going to be so good because they love each other through arguments and fear. The kind of tough conversations that lead to crying on the sidewalk in front of Wendy's or encouraging notes and chocolate just to get through the night. They're going to be so good because in the best moments and the worst moments, they're connected. They are each other's people - texting, snapchatting, instagramming - awesome memories and anniversaries or just chatting about nothing.

It's a showcase of the kind of love we should have for each other - thick and thin, fun and tearful - until death do you part.

It's wedding number five. And I can't wait.

trash can adventures

Do you have that friend who is the definition of consistency? The one that is there quietly at every event and in every photo, supporting what is going on without needing credit?

I do. She's creative and thoughtful and brilliant.
This is Christie.

She's the first to celebrate with you. The first to ask how you are. The first to laugh at your terrible pun (a laugh still counts even if it's a pity laugh). She's sweet and optimistic in the most genuine way possible. The kind of way that makes you start to believe all of the encouraging things she's saying about you.

she's dressed as me in this photo: cat, scarf, hair in a bun, bandana, glasses. we look so similar you probably thought that WAS me, huh?

Today is my airplane day - the day I came to the United States from Korea (if you're confused, read more in blogs here and here). It's a day long celebrated by my family and really no one else because even Facebook doesn't recognize it as a life event.

In celebration of my airplane day this year, Christie brought me a trash can.

#thatsbiblicalright

Yes. You read that right. A trash can.

Whenever people are at my house, the trash can is overflowing and someone inevitably comments that I need a bigger trash can. I always reply, "It's only like this when people are here. It's just me here so I don't need a bigger one."  So in celebration of my engagement to Tucker and the inevitability of it not just being me at my house anymore, Christie bought me a trash can.

That's the kind of creativity that people like me only dream about.
That's the kind of thoughtfulness that can't be faked.
That's the kind of friend Christie is.

She makes me want to be a better friend. I want to care for people the way she does - through going to high school choir concerts, sending Disney quotes, sitting in the rain through rec league softball games, finding the perfect verse or phrase for a tough day, and delivering a trash can at the perfect moment.

Christie, thanks for the thousands of thoughtful things you have ever done for me and everyone in your life that have not gone unnoticed or unappreciated. You are brilliantly inspiring and encouraging and the kind of person worth "melting for." #disney


This is one of a few entries centered around a new theme.

holla at yo gurl

If I'm trying to think about a phrase that defines my lovely friend Ana, "Holla at yo gurl" has to be it. Let me explain.

I met Ana as a middle school student. Yes. That makes me feel old and I don't want to talk about it anymore. Today, she's the kind of woman that students push and shove their way towards so they can catch her attention or be in her small group. She's fun and hilarious and makes you feel like you are the only person who matters when she talks to you. Also, she spent several years consistently dressing up in a bear costume. Not on Halloween. At places you wouldn't expect. Like homecoming.

But beyond just straight charisma, Ana can turn an easy conversation about cats into one weaved with truth, real life, and love. You think I'm exaggerating.

She sees people for who they are.
She wants them to be the best version of themselves.
She looks past the shield of "doing fine" that you try to put up and sees that you aren't, in fact, "doing fine." And is the sort of person who will ask how you really are. And you really want to tell her. And she will really listen.

Ana challenges me just to ask. Ask the questions that I need to. Ask when it's uncomfortable, but necessary. Ask, and then really listen and really care about the answer.

And that's how we arrive at the phrase, "Holla at yo gurl." In a brilliant mix of truth and humor, that's Ana's catch phrase (it isn't. but it describes her well). Typically I've received that message from her via text, preceded by, "if you ever need anything.... holla at yo gurl."

And I know it's true.


This is one of a few entries centered around a new theme.

new theme

I've been reading a lot of Shauna Niequist lately. A lot. If you spend more than 30 seconds with me, her name, her writing, her books, her blogs anything by her really will inevitably come up in conversation. I've made my book study start reading her stuff, and I've also literally sent her books across the country for people. It's probably a little creepy, but I'm okay admitting that because there's no way ever she'll run across my tiny blog. Unless my mom somehow knows her (hi, Mom).

bonus points for using one of my favorite fonts on the cover! #loveatfirstfont

The first book I started reading by Shauna (because we're on a first name basis like any good stalker) was Bittersweet. Since I began Bittersweet, I've devoured Cold Tangerines (the book, not the fruit), most of Bread and Wine (again, the book not the food - sense a theme? and why I love her writing so much?), and pre-ordered Savor. But I'm still reading Bittersweet... slowly but surely on my true days off in coffee shops all over the place, trying desperately to hide when the chapter makes my eyes well up with tears.

She wrote a chapter called "The Middle" about being in the middle of a tough season. She closes it this way:

You'll still wake up in the night with the same old fears, and you'll still face the same tired eyes in the morning, but for a few hours, you'll feel protected from it all by the goodness of friendship and life around the table, and for a few hours, that's the best thing I can imagine.

This season of my life right now is good, but because I'm such a good optimist, I know that easy seasons don't last forever. So right now, for this season, I'm trying to enjoy the people around me. The ones who encourage and challenge me in a thousand ways that they probably don't even know. That's my new theme. Until I run out of people or someone gets angry at me, I want to use this little space to highlight people who I have needed in my life and why they're important to me.

If I look back at the very first blog post I ever wrote, I realize how very alone I was in the darkest season of my little world. Because of that, I never want to take for granted the community that I have and how thankful I am for it.

two

two years of sarcasm
laughing until I cry
general snarkiness
ice cream dates
change
challenge
and just general, every day, boring life

made better, because I get to do it with this man.

I am thankful today and every day from that day we awkwardly sat on the Lifetime Fitness bench - and for as long as he'll have me - that he's here.

trust is hard.

A friend recently pointed out as we took in an epic, scenic view, "We serve a God who created all this, and yet we still have trouble trusting Him."
And the answer to that is: yes. Yes I do. Even though I know I shouldn't.

just so you get to experience a little of the "epic, scenic" view I was talking about

There are some things that I totally have no problem trusting God with. Mostly because - at least currently - God has provided these specific things so clearly. One is my job. God has always shown Himself faithful getting me a job. Even when it's been uncertain feeling for a moment, He's opened clear doors and I know that, that is an absolutely incredible blessing. Secondly, relationships. I have taken matters into my own hands on multiple occasions and they've always ended in failure, but I think I finally started to understand this particular area because He has provided an incredible, understanding man that leads me towards God and makes me want to be a better woman.

However, lest you think I'm some kind of pillar of faith, there are a ton of areas where I seem to find myself unable to trust God. Timing for one - I want some things to happen right now. I mean... right. NOW. Finances for another - I check my bank account religiously. When there's not what I want to be in there, it sends me in a minor spiral. But most of all, I have trouble trusting God when it comes to people that I love. Whether that's when they're hurting from the loss of a loved one or facing some unknown medical anomaly - I want to trust a doctor or a counselor, but I have a hard time trusting God.

In my head, I know I should trust Him.
In my head, I know I can trust Him.
In my head, I know He's the only One that can actually be trusted.
But that rarely makes it to my heart. Even though I want it to.

When I have to sit next to kids who have been abandoned via choice or because of death and all I can do is wrap my arms around them and feel them cry, I have a hard time feeling like "I'll pray for you" is enough. Even though it is.

When I have to hear about surprise medical issues from afar with the people in the world that mean the most to me, not being able to physically be there and trust that God is big enough to take care of all of it is really hard. Even though He is.

When I see friends wrestling through relationships and friendships - things in the deepest part of their heart - I know the exact words to say - true words - but ones that I have a hard time believing myself sometimes. Even though it's true.

I know that God is there. I know He is faithful. I believe that He is Who He says He is and He is more than capable of taking care of unborn babies, kids who's families are wrecked with loss, and friends who's hearts are broken.
But sometimes, it's just hard.

kid theology.

Every summer I get the opportunity to spend a week with some incredible middle school students. It's pretty smelly, really exhausting, and this year full of students who were losing teeth.

While I'm there, in the middle of the stench of 4-day old middle school t-shirts, I feel like more often than not they teach me more than I teach them. This summer was no exception.

Matthew 14.25-30

Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear. 

But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

“Come,” he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.

After reading that passage, one of my co-leaders asked a crew of 6th grade students (11 year old girls) what they felt like they could learn from reading it. One girl raised her hand and what she said rivals any theology class I ever took.

"I think if anyone walks on water, they are probably worth following."

I don't feel like I have anything to add to that.