It's been 5 years since I moved. Moved away from everything I knew. Everyone I knew. Anything familiar. (how's that for a dramatic intro?)
If you had asked me then where I would be in 5 years, I probably would have said, married, living on the East coast - likely Baltimore, maybe a dog, trying to be program director at some radio station. And learning Korean. Because that's the American dream, right?
But where I am? Thousands of miles from either coast. With a cat. Never wanting to be program director of a radio station. EVER. Divorced.
And I think... exactly where God wants me.
This isn't the path I would have picked to get here. In fact, if there were the opportunity to go back 5 years and do it again, I would. I would make better decisions. I would follow God better. And not choose a path that "felt right" at the time.
But we don't get to do that.
It's hard not to look back and realize that if I had only followed God for the last 5 years - how different and how much better would my life look right now? I'm jealous of the people who "did it right" and don't know how much better their world is because they were smarter than I am.
So instead, I look ahead. At the next 5 years. Where I do have the
chance to make better decisions. To learn from the dumb things I did in
my past. To influence the people around me. For a few weeks, a few
years, or whatever amount of time I get.
And maybe I'll learn Korean after all.
Here's to the next 5 years.
First of all, congrats on making it 5 years here in the NW. It has been a little over 5 years since I moved here from LA. Beyond that, the interesting thing about making choices is that even when we make the "wrong" ones, God will use it in ways you can't even imagine. I have made some whoppers and thank the Lord for His mercy and grace. Even if you never notice it yourself, one word or action that you take, based on those choices can make a world of difference to someone and change their life. So, you are where you need to be right now and if you continue to seek Him, the path you choose, while still rough, will not walked by you alone. Hearing your voice on the radio always makes my day. It is so upbeat and I can hear the smile in your voice. Good luck with learning Korean!
ReplyDeleteWow. It is scary how similar you are to me. I totally understand most of where you're coming from... definitely learning to look ahead rather than behind and let God heal my old hurts.
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