addicted.

An Open Letter to Woman-kind:

I'm sitting in a coffee shop awkwardly surrounded by men with their legs crossed. Not like the normal comfortable "guy pose" but like... the way that women cross their legs. That has nothing to do with this post, but... I just needed to tell someone how uncomfortable it's making me.

Okay. Back to the letter.

We talked in my church today about addiction. And how addicts - while they want to get past their addiction - can't imagine what their life might look like if they got well. It's terrifying to think about the potential of living responsibly and in unfamiliar territory. I've never been addicted to drugs or alcohol, but I along with many of you are addicted to something else.

Being in a relationship.

It's just true. Whether we want to or not, it's so easy for women to fall into this trap forcing us to believe that we are only valuable at the arm of a man. Granted, maybe we wouldn't say it in so many words, but let's face it - the way we dress, the things we like, the places we choose to go - a lot of that is founded in the hope that some man will pay attention to us, make us feel wanted, and maybe even want to take care of us for the rest of our lives.

For awhile, we stand strong. We "date God" or whatever other way we phrase that commitment, but ultimately, many of us slip back into just wanting someone to love us. And when it doesn't happen on our timetable, we're apt to just settle for whatever guy shows interest first. Throwing away our standards, our commitments and our hopes for finding our "true soulmate."

We want to get well. We want that perfect love story in all of the movies where the hero pursues the girl with reckless abandon and everyone cries because it's so beautiful. But we're terrified to think it might not happen. Or we think that we've messed up so much that there's no way it could ever happen to us. Or we curse all men everywhere and think there are no good men left. Or all three.

So, ladies, let's all make some promises to each other:
1) We will let guys open doors, protect us when we need it, walk on the outside of the street and other gentlemanly things and thank them for it. Yes, you're capable of doing it. But, geez. Let it go. Let a guy be a gentleman.
2) We will dress modestly and protect our future men and men that are currently with other women. It's just the right thing to do.
3) We will NOT date sleazy guys and let them think that the entire female race wants to be objectified and treated like crap. They should not be able to get away with that anymore. Don't reward terrible behavior by keeping them around just because you're lonely.
4) We will remember to encourage and respect the men who are trying. We won't ask them if we "look fat" in something and we won't try to play games with them. Instead, let's communicate honestly with the men who are trying to buck the lazy, sitcom-dad trend and actually be real, responsible men.
5) We will be honest with each other, as friends/family members/neighbors. We will hold each other to a higher standard and not just affirm terrible decisions because we don't want to hurt each others' feelings. We will tell each other when the guy is a sleazeball/player and protect each other from ourselves.

Fair enough?